Oddly enough, the immediate reasons are jumbled—I’m seeing the sun again after a week of rain; I have my own place for the first time since I left Somerville; I have a change of scene from Montenegro; I’ve traveled just long enough to have settled into it a bit; and I’m close enough to everything to not have to plan—but my mind has cleared.
Sitting here in this window, in this moment, looking out at the red tile rooftops and churches of old Split, I feel calm and clear. It’s shocking, realizing how scattered I felt for so long.
Ultimately, my mind is clear for one simple reason.
I have time.
I have time to go see the sights, and to understand their context. I also have time just to wander without an agenda and admire their beauty.
I have time to enjoy sitting along the Riva, watching the sun go down. “Small beer,” the server knows now. What he doesn’t know is that the peace I feel is no small beer at all.
I have time to sit in this sunny window, with this stunning view, and just think.
A few years ago, I came to the realization that the busy life I’d built for myself no longer served me, and I spent the last couple of years trying to make time for what matters to me, and ultimately what matters most to me is this moment. Right now.
It matters that I didn’t need to carve out this moment with an Exacto knife, sacrificing something urgent thing to have it. It matters that I do not have a million Zooms and a bulging inbox calling to me from just beyond this window.
It has taken just shy of three months and thousands of miles, but my mind has finally cleared.
Snaps from my wanders around Split, Croatia.